教師節,快樂?

教師節回想自己當初為什麼會選擇走上老師這一條路,當你大學念了師範體系、修了教育學程,當老師似乎理所當然,但在成為老師的路上,我其實一直在懷疑自己。這不是我要的、這不是我專長的、無法想像自己未來做這份工作。因此研究所我跨了領域跑去師大美術系橫衝直撞。撞了些牆,也修了很多有趣的課,我看到自己更多的可能性。最終因為研究網路主題,網路生態在短時間內變化太大而碩論卡關。

卡關的期間,我因緣際會申請到僑委會的僑教替代役,忽然走入華語教學領域成了一位老師。我教菲律賓學生中文和文化,並接受各種文化衝擊。上課的時數很滿,也常常要犧牲假日,但我仍樂在其中。菲律賓的教學經驗讓我重新思考身為教育工作者的意義。一位菲律賓學生寫了封信給我,給了我很大的肯定,也成為我重新踏上教師路途的契機。我開始覺得,或許自己某些特質仍是適合當老師的吧。

返台之後,我回到校園實習,隔了六年拿到教師證。在教甄戰亂時期,我給自己三年的時間,如果沒考上就去東南亞教華語。第一年差一點點上榜,第二年順利考上,於是告別華語教學來到現在服務的山上學校,轉眼也待了十年了。

很懷念單純的教學,校園裡只有學生與老師的繽紛交會。行政工作所牽扯來多餘的人事物,常讓我迷失教育的初衷和質疑身為教師的價值所在。我自己也不懂,為什麼教師職場會是這個樣子?每次和外國朋友聊起我的工作,他們也不能理解為什麼要一個老師去承辦學校的工程、管理職工、處理學校的經費。回頭看十多年前決定拿教師證的我,儼然不是同一個我。

前陣子我的法語老師問我「你快樂嗎?」「你想繼續在這個學校教書嗎?」思考了好久,我說「我不知道」。是啊,做自己喜歡的工作不是應該很快樂嗎?又翻起十五年前菲律賓學生寫給我的信,心裡似乎知道了些什麼,但也同時知道流失了些什麼,尤其那些回不去的過往。

附錄:2009年菲律賓小六學生的信(原文及中文翻譯)

"Hi and merry Christmas Lawshi. Thank you for teaching me Chinese and even if I make you mad sometimes you still did not give up on me and you believed in me and gave me a passing grade. Thank you also for everything that you taught us, like doing good things, and even if we are very naughty you still forgive us. Lawshi, thank you for understanding me in all my mistakes and for being nice to me all the time."

「嗨,聖誕快樂,老師。謝謝你教我中文,即使我有時會惹你生氣,你仍然沒有放棄我,還相信我,並且給了我及格的成績。也感謝你教我們的所有事情,譬如說做對的事情,即便我們很調皮,你仍然原諒我們。老師,謝謝你理解我以及我的所有錯誤,並且總是對我很好。」

畢業快樂

又到了離別的季節
第二屆從小一陪伴到小六的孩子
我剛來到玉峰時,你們只是幼兒園大班
轉眼間每個都變得又高又壯可以把我扛起來
「老師你要看我畢業嗎?」「老師畢業典禮你會哭嗎?」
「老師我們畢業你還在玉峰嗎?」「老師你愛我嗎?」
「老師你看我的肌肉,強齁?」「老師我可以摸你的小肚肚嗎?」
「老師你想念咖牛嗎?」「老師為什麼不可以說"黏膠"?」
你們有永遠都問不完的問題
回想學校點滴,不管是手作課、藝美課還是下課被我叫來唸
你們總是讓我好氣又好笑,每一天都活力滿點
我想我以後會懷念
叫你們來辦公室聽我講大道理碎念的日子
我想我以後也會懷念
你們精采絕倫的才藝表演,還有巨星兼諧星的風範
雖然很可惜今年因為疫情沒有舉辦畢業典禮
你們的畢業彩繪也因此停擺
但或許留白是一種屬於我們獨特的回憶方式
我們可以運用想像力而沒有侷限
你們的未來也會充滿著無限的可能,祝福你們

Özür - Cemal Süreya


sen akışkan ayna dertli böcek
çamaşırımda besleyici leke

alınyazımın tek okunaklı yeri
bıçkın sevinç kunt öfke

küçük dilini yutmuş kırmızı soğan
yücegönüllü akasya

havı çıkmış eteklik
hafifçe karnı olan

sen elisürencil

öyle bir laf varsa işte o

dün için özür dilerim
şimdi işten çıktın beşiktaş'tasın

kim istemez mutlu olmayı
mutsuzluğa da var mısın?

畢業快樂


我在玉峰國小的第一屆孩子
記得一年級時你們問我:老師你明年會走齁?
我說:不會啊,我明年還在玉峰
二年級時你們又問我:老師你明年會走齁?
我說:不會啊,我要待到你們六年級看你們畢業
轉眼六年過去了,玉峰的老師來來去去
我堅守我們的之間的承諾
今日看著你們畢業,心中充滿著不捨但驕傲
你們是一群吃過苦、逆風飛翔的孩子
在我之後由兩位很棒的導師純慧、梁銘接手,延續滿滿的愛
玉峰大家庭六年來的滋養,讓你們成長、獨立
你們升上國中以後,有空記得回來學校看看我
歡迎繼續來問我:老師你明年會走齁?


İstanbul’u Dinliyorum - Orhan Veli Kanık


İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı;
Önce hafiften bir rüzgâr esiyor,
Yavaş yavaş sallanıyor,
Yapraklar ağaçlarda.
Uzaklarda, çok uzaklarda,
Sucuların hiç durmayan çıngırakları,
İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı.

İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı;
Kuşlar geçiyor, derken,
Yükseklerden, sürü sürü, çığlık çığlık,
Ağlar çekiliyor dalyanlardan,
Bir kadının suya değiyor ayakları,
İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı.

İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı;
Serin serin Kapalıçarşı,
Cıvıl cıvıl Mahmutpaşa,
Güvercin dolu avlular,
Çekiç sesleri geliyor doklardan,
Güzelim bahar rüzgârında ter kokuları,
İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı.

İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı;
Başımda eski âlemlerin sarhoşluğu,
Loş kayıkhaneleriyle bir yalı,
Dinmiş lodosların uğultusu içinde.
İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı.

İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı;
Bir yosma geçiyor kaldırımdan,
Küfürler, şarkılar, türküler, laf atmalar…
Bir şey düşüyor elinden yere;
Bir gül olmalı…
İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı.

İstanbul’u dinliyorum, gözlerim kapalı;
Bir kuş çırpınıyor eteklerinde,
Alnın sıcak mı, değil mi, bilmiyorum,
Dudakların ıslak mı, değil mi, bilmiyorum,
Beyaz bir ay doğuyor fıstıkların arkasından,
Kalbinin vuruşundan anlıyorum,
İstanbul’u dinliyorum…

OCD by Neil Hilborn



The first time I saw her...
Everything in my head went quiet.
All the tics, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared.
When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments.
Even in bed, I’m thinking:
Did I lock the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
Did I lock the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips..
Or the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek.
I knew I had to talk to her.
I asked her out six times in thirty seconds.
She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going.
On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or fucking talking to her...
But she loved it.
She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday.
She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk.
When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times.
I’d always watch her mouth when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked
when she talked;
when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges.
At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off.. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off.
She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her.
Some mornings I’d start kissing her goodbye but she’d just leave cause I was
just making her late for work...
When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking...
When she said she loved me her mouth was a straight line.
She told me that I was taking up too much of her time.
Last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place.
She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but...
How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touched her?
Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t.
I can’t – I can’t go out and find someone new because I always think of her.
Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin.
I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars...
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.
I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel..
How she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe.
How she blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out…
Now, I just think about who else is kissing her.
I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once — he doesn’t care if it’s perfect!
I want her back so bad...
I leave the door unlocked.
I leave the lights on.

I miss my Filipino students


Laoshi Patrick Farewell Party
at Robinsons , Dumaguete City, Philippines. (May 7, 2010) 

七年了,很想念這群天真可愛又有禮貌的菲律賓學生。

離開菲國後的這七年,
我仍然可以透過臉書不間斷地接收到他們的新訊息。
看著他們一路從中學畢業到進入理想的大學,
接著大學畢業,選擇繼續升學或出社會工作,
有人結婚了,也有人當上了老師,
更有人跟當初的我一樣,在海外工作,
看到他們的未來充滿了無限可能,覺得很欣慰。

回想起在菲國教學的日子,我看到了他們對學業的百般無奈,
尤其是被老舊的教學方式綑綁著的華語課,能有趣到哪裡?
另一個國度的老師,站在課堂裡,便提供了一種眼界,
我對待他們,總是不吝惜給予讚美,以及最大的寬容,
我不敢說為他們帶來什麼決定性的改變,
也許只是告訴了他們一件事情,
只要你不放棄,很多事是可以不一樣的,
人生有很多可能,不要侷限了自己。

人和人相處


人和人相處
的確比人和動物相處複雜許多
動物要的很簡單,溫飽、陪伴
頂多耍點小任性
念大學的時候修了荀子
覺得孟子很假,荀子才是點破現實
但經歷過一些事情之後
我還是選擇相信沒有人生下來是要與世界為敵
各自的成長經歷產生太多因素去造就人的武裝
但回頭想想
人不也是一種動物?
現在複雜的社會要回到那種單純的互動很困難了
但只要你心底是為別人好
相信彼此是會感受到的
咖牛可以,我也可以

泰雅古訓/呂薔

這首歌是學校孩子們跳舞的配樂歌曲之一,新編的泰雅古訓,堅定又溫暖的聲線加上有層次的新式編曲,讓古訓披上了一件更容易被聽見的現代外衣。

在原鄉國小服務兩年,我常思索,原民文化對原鄉的孩子意義與價值何在,如何在一般的學習課程中,讓孩子認同自己的文化,並且具備傳承文化的能力?在本土語課說著不甚流利的泰雅語,舞蹈課穿著傳統服飾載歌載舞,除此之外,他們過著猶如山下一般孩子的生活,或許這裡仍然有山有水,家人仍然打獵捕魚,但眾人所希望傳承的那個文化外貌,在生活習慣和大環境變遷之下,其實已經嗅不太到氣味了。

原來古訓早已道盡原民文化的核心,而我們在意的卻只是外表形式,其實真正的價值在於精神的傳遞,為了讓子孫有更好的生活,為了彼此能相親相愛不仇視。即便文化已逐漸式微,但身為教育工作者,我們還是要努力,畢竟除了這群孩子,還有誰有資格和能力來傳承呢?


《泰雅古訓》

演唱:呂薔
編曲:張培聖

Qalan pinsbkan.puqin kin na holan
Qinholan ita tayal.gamin ita kwara

Nuyanni kotas.myaboh ro tmarun
Snbilan mumu pala.mumu snrhngan

Lagi pqiway qlcing.phoyax mqqyanux
Siga ali na byunaq.siga ali mhboyax

Buyaw ta hmali bnkis.qutux tunux bubu na yaya
Laxi hmut mqyanux.psaniq theryeq gaga

Syani inlungan.tmoyay mqqyanux
Hlga ta rapan na kotas.buyay ta gaga binheci

Mhuway utux binheci.snbilan gaga mrho
Lagay ta mssyaqin.psblaq ta ita kwara
Qabax kinbahan na tayal

[中譯]

發祥村是泰雅的發源地
是泰雅的根及我們的祖居地

先祖Myaboh和Tmarun
留給後代子孫的堅定訓示

我們不能彼此疏離 努力繁延下一代
就像桂竹筍吐牙般茂盛

我們要傳承祖訓 同一血源的民族
要守護倫理 循規蹈矩
牢記先祖的訓示 讓子孫有更好的生活
循著祖先的腳步 延續祖先的精神

謝謝先祖傳給我們的生活規範
我們都要相親相愛 絕不相互仇視
同一血脈的泰雅子民 永遠和平共處

Love Me - Curtis Kulig


Curtis Kulig,一位我很欣賞的塗鴉藝術家,他的眼神有一種靈氣。簡單的Love Me,向世界傳遞正向的力量。



Curtis Kulig在TEDx的演講,簡述他的成長經歷和創作歷程:



Curtis Kulig接受Juxtapoz雜誌訪問,帶你尋找紐約隨處可見的Love Me:



Joe Jonas與Curtis Kulig合作拍攝<See No More>歌詞MV:
(Curtis Kulig的手寫字真的豪好看)



延伸連結:
.Curtis Kulig官網 http://www.curtiskulig.com/