談談十二月二十一日 December 21


轉眼生日又到了,除了宣告自己老了一歲之外,時間,它總是用這種方式來對我顯示一年的長度與速度。我想大部分的人自小便與生日關係密切,每年的生日都有父母準備的生日蛋糕或禮物,再長大一些,就是與同學、朋友們出去聚餐慶生,但不是每個家庭的生活風格和教養方式是這樣,我家沒有慶祝生日的習慣,這個習慣也一直自小陪伴我至今,所以我鮮少參與同學或朋友的慶生會,也不幫自己慶生,生日之於我的重要性,大概僅止於填充各式基本資料的時候。

但難免會有破例的時候,09年我在菲律賓教書,菲律賓的文化向來非常重視生日,小學部的慣例是家長會在小孩生日利用下課時間於班上舉辦慶生會,鋪張地發送禮物和餐點,老師和學生都是有吃又有得拿;而中學部反而比較低調,他們傾向在自己家裡或市內的餐廳和親朋好友一同舉辦派對。那年的生日,我本無慶生的打算,但同梯Jimmy與學生聯手秘密地籌備了我的慶生會,要趕在我返台之前提前慶生,當天分別在我導的班小六與中三慶生,吹熄了兩次蠟燭又切了兩次蛋糕,還收到班上每個學生親手做的卡片,上面寫著歪七扭八的中文字。幾天之後,我在返台的班機上和Jimmy於高空中迎接12/21的到來,入境的時候海關還對我說了一句生日快樂,當晚Jimmy和他的父母特地帶我去一間很高檔的素食Buffet。我想那年應該是我人生至今最行程最滿檔最豐富的一次生日。

結束為期一年的異國生活,我回到台灣,結果又重拾以往習慣的模式--少少的朋友,以及久久一次的互動。2010年我的生日在Facebook塗鴉牆一片祝福的訊息洗板中度過,看似充實熱絡,但對照背後實際的生活其實異常地空虛,於是我更改設定把生日隱藏起來,企圖對抗虛假的「提醒生日模式」,心底也清楚來留言的人,大多數是因為Facebook雞婆地提醒才前來留言的,其實根本沒有多少人會記得彼此的生日。

而這梗鋪了一年,終於在2011年年尾等到生日的來臨,果不其然,這一天少了Facebook的主動提醒,我的塗鴉牆變得十分清爽,完全沒有朋友前來留言,雖然顯得黯淡無光,但我內心好釋然,因為這完完全全應證了我的假設,也忠實地反映了我的人際關係在擺脫虛擬的互動之後其實所剩無幾。至於明年的生日會是怎樣的景象呢?後年、大後年的呢?對於一個已經踏在中年邊界上的人來說,我是不期也不待。12/21如同三百十五天中的任何一天,它之於我並不特別,它也不是只屬於我,它是屬於每一個人。

臉書囈語:Someone Like You

憶D.W.

十二月一日,轉眼一年過去了,差一點便能全部遺忘,說來簡單,但寂寥的夜裡還是會偷偷拾起,是啊,就那麼短短的一個小時,卻影響了我一整年的日子。你的界,我是跨不進,也逃不出,我已被命運紮在土裡,澆上無緣、向下根蝕,在地底等待我的,不是滋養的沃土,是炙熱的熔岩,最終將熔我又冷卻我成一顆堅硬不語、任誰也看不透的黑曜石。



Someone Like You
by Adele

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over yet

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah

Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead